Hi Reader,
In last week's newsletter, I introduced a four-part series exploring my relationship with ADHD, in alignment with ADHD Awareness Month. This week, I’m diving into a distinction I’ve wrestled with for years: the difference between self-monitoring — a key skill for ADHD — and masking, which often leads to emotional exhaustion and self-alienation.
Masking, or hiding aspects of ourselves to avoid stigma, is a common experience for many neurodivergent people, including ADHDers. It’s an instinctive response to fit into societal norms and avoid stigma, but over time it takes a toll on our mental health. Where things get complicated is when self-monitoring, which is supposed to help us build self-awareness, starts to feel like another form of masking. How can we tell when we’re observing ourselves for growth versus contorting ourselves to fit in?
In this week’s essay, I explore this gray area between self-monitoring and masking, drawing from my own experiences of navigating these two concepts. Ultimately, I’m wrestling with this question: How can we develop a compassionate, supportive internal monitor that helps us stay aligned with our values — without slipping into shame or self-criticism of the masked self-monitor?
Click below to keep reading...
A Quick Note on Format: You may notice a slight change in how this newsletter looks. This essay got long. So to keep things digestible, for essays over 1000 words I’ll include a brief teaser in the email, with a link to read the full essay if you’d like to dive deeper into the topic. This way, you can decide how much detail you want to engage with on those weeks where I find I have a lot more to say on a certain topic!
P.S. Edit: A Note from Last Week’s Newsletter
Last week, I mentioned how I pronounced AuDHD as (Odd-dee-H-D) but wasn’t sure if I had it right due to my phonological struggles. Several readers kindly reached out to let me know it's actually pronounced Awe-DHD (as in awesome). While to me it still sounds a lot like odd, this slight change does shift how the word feels in my mind! And for those of you with fewer pronunciation struggles than I have, you might even be able to pull off this rather clever play on words. :)
★彡 Neurodivergent Insights Weekly Roundup ★彡
Neurodivergent Resource (Free) Parenting Summit
The Flourish with Your Complex Child Summit starts this Tuesday! This event is totally free to attend live (with an option to upgrade to access recordings and bonus resources like my Sensory Regulation 101 Workbook). They’re featuring some pretty big names and important topics, including:
- Yolanda Williams: “Self-Care for Parents of Complex Kids”
- Greg Santucci: “Challenging Behavior and Sensory Processing”
- Casey Ehrlich: “Parenting PDA (‘Pathological Demand Avoidance’) Kids”
- Em Mainey: “Creating Neuro-Affirming Families and Environments”
- Amanda Diekman: “Low Demand Parenting”
- Seth Perler: “Supporting Your Child’s Executive Function”
And I'll be there talking about neurodivergent burnout. You can get all the details and grab your free ticket here!
New on the Podcast
This week, we recorded a special episode — putting the OCD series on pause — to cover Hurricane Helene and the neurodivergent experience. Patrick, who lives in Asheville, reflects on his experience navigating this.
NOTE: Please be aware that this episode includes a first-hand account of the tragedy and devastation caused by Hurricane Helene in Asheville, North Carolina.
ADHD-Focused Workbook Sale
This month, you can get 25% off all ADHD-focused workbooks with the code ADHDAWARE25. (Note: This sale also applies to those purchasing the clinical version of these workbooks for use with clients.)
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Stay Kind. Stay Curious.
Dr. Neff
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