Hi Reader,
You might have noticed my usual Sunday newsletter was missing last week, and that’s because I’ve been feeling pretty under the weather the last several weeks. Ironically, the latest podcast episodes over at Divergent Conversations have been all about health and managing the bio-psycho-social dynamics of navigating life with chronic conditions. I am not loving that the universe decided to give me a live demonstration of how linked all the aspects of our lives are! 😅
And that’s exactly what we’ve been talking through on the podcast. We just wrapped up a four-week deep dive into our personal journeys with health issues and how we’re trying to find agency amidst the struggle. If you missed it, you can catch up here.
In the midst of all this conversation and real life experience around the challenges of addressing the bio-psycho-social aspects of health, I’ve been feeling some sadness about how stuck I feel in it somedays, and as I’ve been navigating this most recent bout of illness, one of the entries I wrote in Self-Care for Autistic People keeps coming to mind for me, an entry about the ongoing process of grieving our limits. So today, as I’m honoring my limits, I wanted to share some of the words that have felt resonant for me lately.
Grieving Your Limits (On Autistic Mindset)
My autism diagnosis led me to feel liberation, pride and also grief. The most profound moments of grief emerge when I come face-to-face with my own limits. These limits encompass sensory limits, energy limits, and social limits.
If I ignore these limits, l'm making myself susceptible to burnout and chronic health conditions. When I discovered I was Autistic, I changed career paths. I realized that working as a professor within an academic institute or working full-time in a hospital setting would utterly burn me out. There was grief in this realization, but on the other side of that grief was freedom. I restructured my life, built a company called Neurodivergent Insights, and embarked on a career that worked with my sensory, social, and energy limits. In order to find this happiness, I needed to both acknowledge and grieve my limits.
Grieving your limits is an ongoing process, not a one-time experience. Maybe one day you wake up and encounter a wall of fatigue, experience intensified executive functioning struggles, or strain to keep up with the demands of parenting. In these moments, it's perfectly fine to grieve your limits once again. However, on the other side of that grief is freedom: When you grieve your limits, you can actually construct realistic expectations and release yourself from the guilt of not conforming to the pace of your allistic peers. It's much better for your mental health to cultivate a pace and life that works for you and honors your limits!
— Self-Care for Autistic People, pg. 114
Wherever You Are on This Journey
For me, these last few weeks have found me once again trying to find the edges of grief and freedom. I’ve had to slow down on certain things, step away from meaningful projects, and find new ways to honor my evolving limits. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the concept of impermanence, a core idea in many Eastern philosophies — the recognition that nothing is fixed, and everything changes. It’s a simple yet profound truth, one that can be both comforting and challenging, especially when facing shifts in our bodies and abilities.
Befriending impermanence is about learning to accept that everything — including our health — is constantly in flux. It invites us to sit with these changes, to acknowledge that nothing is permanent. In this radical acceptance, we can begin to release the frustration or disappointment that accompanies shifting limits. Acceptance isn’t about giving up; rather, it’s about finding peace in the present moment, even when things are hard.
So wherever you are on your journey — whether you’re discovering more about yourself, facing the joy of liberation or the heaviness of grief, or simply encountering new limits as life unfolds — know that this process is ongoing, and that’s okay. These moments of realization aren't easy, and they tend to ebb and flow. As you face successes and setbacks, there's an opportunity to pause, recalibrate, and rebuild a life that aligns with what your body and mind need in each moment.
Whatever impermanence you’re facing, I wish you the space to hold it with openness and expansiveness.
★彡 Neurodivergent Insights Weekly Roundup ★彡
Six Months of Self-Care for Autistic People
In the brain fog of these past months, I missed the six-month milestone of my book’s release! I'm so grateful for all of you who have supported it, bought it, shared it, and left reviews. It's already set to be translated into three languages, and the impact it’s had has gone far beyond what I ever imagined. I’m truly thankful to those of you who’ve shared it with clients, friends, children and colleagues. Since I feel like I’ve dropped the ball on promotion and marketing, I’m deeply appreciative of your generosity in spreading the word.
New on the Podcast
This week we finished out the health series by having Dr. Mel Houser back on, and if you, like me, struggle with “All The Things,” I can’t recommend their resources/website enough: Everything is Connected: Improving Healthcare for Autistic & ADHD Adults.
Website Update
No new articles this week, as I’m in the middle of a major website migration! This update will improve accessibility and allow for translations in multiple languages. I’m excited to share more in the coming weeks — stay tuned for the relaunch in October, when I’ll be back to publishing regular content!
Resource Spotlight
During my recent health flare-ups, I’ve been dealing with a lot of free-floating anxiety, and the Sensate has become my go-to. If you’re not familiar, it’s a vagal nerve stimulator, and while there are plenty of similar devices on the market, the Sensate has made a noticeable difference for me. Get 10% off with code: NeuroInsights (disclaimer: affiliate link).
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Stay Kind. Stay Curious.
Dr. Neff
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