Hi Reader,

You know how a lot of writing follows the format of presenting a problem and then offering a solution? Today’s newsletter is not that. I’ll be sharing about a problem that has been on my mind. And I will be upfront with you that I don’t yet have a solution to this one. I have a lot of thoughts on potential solutions, but I am far from arriving at an answer that works for me. And I definitely don’t have an answer that I believe works universally. And I suspect this is one of those problems that simply doesn’t have a tidy, one-size-fits-all answer. But I believe that naming the problem and sharing our collective thinking is a meaningful first step toward finding answers. And I suspect that over the coming months, I will be returning to this topic.

When Life Is Put On Pause

I was recently asked in a group consultation, “How do I prioritize cultivating a dating life when managing my health consumes all my focus?” My initial response reflected curiosity about energy and anxiety, likely stemming from my experience as a therapist. I’ve often seen how long-term health concerns can drain energy and generate anxiety when navigating new terrain. But as we dug deeper, we realized the issue wasn’t really about energy or anxiety. Instead, it was a mindset I recognized — the feeling of needing to fix one part of life before moving on to another. Essentially, the root cause seemed to be getting stuck in a loop of singular focus and buying into the myth that "I must fix this completely before I can focus on another area of my life." At the heart of it, she was really asking, “How do I make space for other important things in my life when one big thing completely dominates my attention?

Is this a familiar complication for you? It felt all too familiar to me. Just this week, I found myself deep in manuscript revisions for my upcoming book (The Autistic Burnout Workbook, which will be published by the same company that released Self-Care for Autistic People), and I noticed that I had slipped into my all-too-familiar project “vortex” mode. In our house, we call it “the vortex” because it feels like a swirling vacuum that pulls everything else into it. And that’s exactly what happened — everything else in my life got pushed aside: emails, weekly tasks like blog writing, even showering (though thankfully only for a few days).

As I was working through these revisions, I noticed a familiar “fantasy-fallacy” crept into my mind: “Once I get through this, then I’ll __ (fill in the blank).” I’ve been doing some iteration of this my whole life.

“Once I finish this paper, then I’ll call my friends back.”
“Once I’m through with finals, then I’ll start exercising regularly.”
"Once I'm through my Doctoral program, then I will x"

And yet, the “then” part of the equation never seems to materialize. I hop from project to project, clinging to the fantasy that I’ll finally get to my life once the latest project is complete. Rinse and repeat. I can handle projects, but the parts of living that require ongoing maintenance — relationships, self-care, health — tend to suffer. All those elements that make for a holistic, human life are often neglected.

This has been a lifelong struggle. I often find myself trapped in the belief that I can only start living once the current project is finished. But here’s the thing — more projects always come, and life gets further delayed. The heart of many of my existential questions is this: How do I live a life while there are still tasks that need doing?

And yes, while revealing all this, I’m fully aware of the irony: I wrote an entire book on self-care. Even for me — the author of a book on self-care — self-care gets completely forgotten when I’m in the vortex.

What is Monotropic?

My brain — and I suspect many of yours — operates in one mode at a time. For those unfamiliar with “monotropic,” it describes a common experience among Autistic people: our distinct attention style, where we deeply focus, and get pulled into our interests (typically a singular one or small number). And for many of us, when we’re forced to split our attention, it can be intensely uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. I have a highly monotropic mind, and I also have a very obsessive one.

"Autistic people are often ‘monotropic’. Monotropic minds tend to have their attention pulled more strongly towards a smaller number of interests at any given time, leaving fewer resources for other processes."

-Quote from Reframing Autism; Monotropism, Learning and Flow State

What is Monotropic Mode?

Beyond having a monotropic mind, I feel like I get pulled into monotropic mode — like an approach to life where I want to divide up the task of being human into one thing at a time (get one domain of my life set and only then move on to the next). So, I have a very push-pull relationship with my monotropic mind. The deep focus it brings is one of the few places where I feel calm, present, engaged, and creative. But on the flip side, I struggle to gain traction in the activities of daily living and often feel stuck in my life for this reason.

Over the past year, I’ve been thinking a lot more about agency and talking about it too. I believe it’s one of the things that often feels depleted for neurodivergent people and one of the key targets for healing — healing our self-trust, which in turn helps restore our sense of agency. So, here’s the riddle I’m currently working to untangle: How do I honor my monotropic mind while simultaneously cultivating agency in the parts of my life where I struggle to show up?

This week, as my kids both start school, I’m leaning into all the routine disruption as an invitation for some routine “resets.” I’m planning to try a few different things, and I’ll share more about them in the weeks to come, but I could use our collective help on this:

Have you found anything that’s worked for you?
How does monotropism show up in your life?
Do you relate to this idea of putting life on pause to finish x project? (Or is this just a Megan Anna thing and not an autism thing)?
If you relate, what do you do about it?

(And for those wondering whether this is an actual question or rhetorical, it’s actual. You can hit reply and share your thoughts — I’ll read them all and do my best to respond to as many as I can … you know, while honoring my monotropic mind and all.)

Warmly,

Megan Anna

*P.S As far as I'm aware "monotropic mode" isn't actually a term that is in current use, I am playing with concepts and words here to capture an experience of putting parts of life on pause in a way that feels very monotropic to me.

★彡 Neurodivergent Insights Weekly Roundup ★彡

New on the Podcast

This week on Divergent Conversations, we continue our ND Entrepreneur series with Yunetta Smith. We dive into stress responses, the unique challenges faced by People of Color in the mental health industry, the impact of our inner critics, and much more. Yunetta brings a grounded, wise and creative energy, and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation.

Listen Here

Podcast Appearances

Image of microphone and "guest appearance" text

I had a great time talking with Jennifer Wallace and Elisabeth Kristof from Trauma Rewired. We dived into C-PTSD, PTSD, their overlaps with autism and ADHD, and neurodivergence in general.

Listen Here

New Infographic

This week, I created a highly visual graphic series focused on cross-neurotype interactions. It ties in with last week's newsletter, visually expanding on the themes I introduced there — last week's blog post.

See Here

📩 Pass It On

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