Hi Reader,
Last Sunday, I shared some thoughts about how powerful it can be to connect with others who share our neurotype. Today, I want to continue that conversation by diving into what I mean by cross-neurotype interactions.
Before diving into today’s topic, a quick follow-up on last week’s mention of Lessons in Chemistry. It wasn’t intended as a recommendation but as a way to share some thoughts it sparked. If you do decide to watch it, please be aware that it’s emotionally intense, with some triggering content (especially in episode 2). If you avoid such material, I wouldn’t recommend it. And if you watched it and felt distressed, I sincerely apologize for not providing a clearer warning. I’ll be more mindful when discussing pop culture in the future.
Now, back to cross-neurotype communication. Last week, I talked about how I’ve often felt out of sync with those around me — always floating on the margins of groups, perplexed as to why I could never fully integrate into the group like others. Learning about cross-neurotype interactions has been really powerful for me because it’s given me a new way to understand that lifelong feeling of being slightly out of step with others.
What Are Cross-Neurotype Interactions?
So, what are cross-neurotype interactions? They’re basically the communications that happen between people with different neurotypes — like when an Autistic person talks to a non-Autistic (allistic) person, or when an ADHDer interacts with a neurotypical person. These interactions can be tricky because our communication styles are often so different.
I think of cross-neurotype interactions as similar to cross-cultural interactions. When I lived in Malawi, I learned many things — like how it was considered rude to greet someone with my left hand (which is traditionally used for tasks deemed unclean). It’s not that one culture is right and the other wrong; each has its own context, meanings, and norms. Similarly, what might be considered rude in Autistic culture (such as being deceptive) could be seen as polite in allistic culture (like telling a white lie to protect someone’s feelings). Neither is correct or incorrect — they’re just operating from different frames of mind and contexts.
Unfortunately, for much of history, Autistic communication has been dismissed, seen not as its own valid form but as a social-communication deficit. Similarly, ADHD communication has often been brushed aside as mere tangents, with little thought given to the curiosity and depth these divergences might hold.
Reconceptualizing Autistic and ADHD communication as distinct and valuable in their own right, and framing these exchanges as cross-neurotype interactions, allows us to embrace our natural rhythms and authentic ways of connecting with others.
But if you’re like me, you’d want to see this theorizing backed by research. Thankfully, Dr. Catherine Crompton from the UK has been doing just that. ⬇️
Cross-Neurotype Research Studies
Dr. Catherine Crompton has conducted some fascinating studies on this topic. In one of them, participants played a sort of adult version of the "telephone game," where they passed along a story to see how accurately it was transmitted. (Spoiler: The mixed neurotype group didn’t fare very well.) While the story stayed fairly intact in the Autistic-only and allistic-only groups, breaking down at similar points, it became nearly unintelligible by the time it reached the end of the mixed neurotype group. This suggests that communication breakdowns in mixed groups aren’t due to a lack of social skills on the part of Autistic individuals, but rather to differing communication styles.
In another study, Dr. Crompton paired people into groups of two and had them complete a series of tasks, then asked participants to rate how connected they felt to their partner (their level of rapport). The results were surprising: the level of connection depended on neurotype matching, not on whether or not the pair included an Autistic person. If autism were truly a social deficit, you’d expect the Autistic pairings to struggle the most, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, what determined the level of connection was whether or not the neurotypes matched.
What both studies highlight is that communication breakdowns happen more often in mixed-neurotype groups—not because Autistic people lack social skills, but because their way of communicating is just different from that of allistic people. Autistic people do have social skills — they’re just different from the norm.
If most of our interactions are cross-neurotype, it’s easy to start believing that we’re the problem — that the social deficits lie within us, rather than recognizing that the disconnect is happening in the space between different neurotypes. Both parties contribute to it.
Generalizing to Other Neurologies?
I haven’t seen similar studies specifically focused on ADHD, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the findings were similar. Many AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD) folks, myself included, seem to connect best with others who share their AuDHD neurotype. I’ve also noticed that Autistic people often form strong connections with ADHDers (and often even pair up romantically!). While I don’t know of any studies that specifically explore this, anecdotally, it seems that neurodivergent connections — even when people’s exact neurology differs — can also be incredibly powerful.
If any of this resonates with you, I’ve written more fully about these studies in this week’s blog post, which you can read here. I’ll also be sharing a simplified and more visual breakdown on social media throughout the week.
Warmly,
Megan Anna
★彡 Neurodivergent Insights Weekly Roundup ★彡
New On the Blog
This week on our blog, we’re focusing on cross-neurotype interactions, taking a closer look at two of Dr. Crompton’s studies that highlight Autistic communication as a difference rather than a deficit.
New on the Podcast
This week on Divergent Conversations, we continue our Neurodivergent Entrepreneur series with Gabrielle Juliano-Villani. We discuss RSD and business ownership, the accommodations we create for ourselves as ADHDers, and more.
Neurodivergent Resource Spotlight (Free)
Reframing Autism is an organization dedicated to supporting the autistic community. They’ve created a free welcome pack for people who are newly identified, which includes reflection prompts and other guided exercises to help those at the beginning of their journey. I’ll link to the welcome pack below, and they also offer other free resources, like an Autism Essentials course.
Special Offer Spotlight
For those interested in the Mental Health Bundle it closes tomorrow (Monday) at 11:59 PM EST. If you’ve already purchased, be sure to forward your invoice to NDIbonuses@neurodivergentinsights.com to claim your free workbook — just let us know which of the 7 options you’d like.
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Stay Kind. Stay Curious.
Dr. Neff
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