Hi Reader,
I've been sick this week, which means I've indulged in some guilt-free TV watching (I know, I shouldn't need to be sick to enjoy it, but obsessive minds, you know?). My spouse and I have been on a limited series kick lately, so we decided to watch Lessons in Chemistry. I didn’t know much about the show beforehand, so I was delighted when I quickly picked up that both leads appeared to be Autistically coded. Even though I’m not typically one for sappy romances, I found myself deeply moved by the unfolding of their relationship. It struck me because it’s so rare to see Autistic love represented so poignantly — and in a way that avoids patronizing stereotypes.
I won't get into the details of the story arc to avoid spoilers, but instead, I want to focus on the dynamics of their relationship and what it reveals about the powerful connection that can form when we communicate with others who share our neurology (as compared to cross-neurotype communication and relationships).
Calvin and Elizabeth are both what would have been considered misfits in the 1950s. Neither of them fit into the expected gender or social norms, and neither seems to care. They present as aloof and are fueled by their passions for chemistry and scientific discovery, and neither is particularly interested in finding a romantic partner — perhaps due to complex trauma and a belief that relationships would distract from their passions.
From my neurological decoding, Calvin presents as an AuDHDer while Elizabeth is more classically Autistic. Both are gifted (so Twice Exceptional or 2E), and both likely have complex trauma. When they meet and connect, it speaks volumes about neurodivergent connection:
- You see them co-create a world together, connecting in a way that goes beyond simple parallel play. It’s more like they enter a shared flow state, where their monotropic minds — each intensely focused — align and combine in a deeply synergistic way.
- What’s evident is the deep understanding they share — an understanding that feels almost like a miracle because it’s clear they both had given up on the idea of ever being truly seen by another human. The spark of being recognized, seen, and mutually understood is palpable.
- They understand each other’s values and priorities, particularly how their work and passions take precedence over conventional norms like becoming a housewife or having children.
- Their connection is a poignant reflection of how neurodivergent love can manifest — through shared passions, mutual understanding, and a deep appreciation of each other’s minds, humor, and rhythms.
I think the reason this struck me so deeply is that, when you live as a neurominority (a term coined by Nick Walker), much of your communication exists in a cross-neurotype dynamic. There’s often a subtle sense of being slightly out of sync, like moving to a rhythm that doesn’t quite match the world around you. But when I find a conversation partner where our rhythms flow in harmony, it’s electrifying — a profound sense of connection and belonging that feels rare and precious.
The loneliness of being a neurominority often stems from the reality that most interactions are cross-neurotype (happening across neurological differences). Masking, in this sense, becomes an effort to tune into the rhythms of others, to sync up to their rhythm, often at the expense of our own. It’s a delicate dance — one where we either try to adapt to a rhythm that doesn’t align, or like Elizabeth and Calvin, choose to hold steadfast to our own rhythm, even if it means embracing a life of isolation.
But then, there are those moments — those serendipitous encounters with others who share our rhythm. In these moments, we realize that we don’t have to choose between forcing ourselves into a rhythm that doesn’t align or retreating into solitude. We can find connection, a shared dance on the same wavelength.
As the Autistic and ADHD community and culture grow (thanks in large part to digital spaces), more of us are discovering these shared rhythmic connections. A recurring theme in conversations with clinicians is the shift from individual work toward group-based interactions. There’s a growing recognition that connection is a powerful form of healing for Autistic and ADHD individuals — a way to find resonance, see ourselves reflected in others, and discover those rare rhythmic matches.
A few years ago, I took a dive into this idea in a rather dense and philosophical article, which you can read here if you’re curious to explore further. I’m also planning to expand on this in next week’s blog post, focusing on cross-neurotype interactions. If this language is new to you, next week I’ll be unpacking it and sharing some fascinating studies that explore it in more depth.
Until then, I hope you find some rhythmic joy — whether in solitude or in the privilege of syncing up with another.
Warmly,
Megan Anna
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New On the Podcast
This week on Divergent Conversations, we continue our Neurodivergent Entrepreneur series with Dr. Corey Wilks. Our conversation explored values, the psychology of entrepreneurship, and how existential awareness shapes our approach to both work and life.
New On the Blog
This week on our blog, we've published part two of our series on autism in adults, now available in Spanish. You can access the English version of this article here, and explore all our Spanish resources here.
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