Hi Reader,
Last week, as usual following my weekend newsletter, I received a handful of email responses. I enjoy these interactions as they help me gauge how my thoughts are being received. However, one email, in particular, I would have been fine not to receive. It was from someone telling me to stop with these monthly pride emails, suggesting that some of us don’t like to center our victimness.
The sting of their criticism lingered. My OCD brain, ever the relentless carousel, replayed the critique on an intrusive loop. This (among a hundred other reasons) is why I often silence social media comments, allowing only community members and my email list to access my mind.
While the person who emailed obviously missed the point of disability pride and my intended message, it got me thinking. That email was followed by a week-long conversation in the Learning Nook about disability identity. So, I’ve been marinating on this question:
“What’s the difference between a victim mindset and identity pride?”
I think there is a world of difference, and I’d like to unpack that.
Victim Mindset
First of all, I honestly don't love the term "victim mindset" because it is often used to dismiss the legitimate experiences of those who have been victimized or systemically oppressed. Critiquing a victim mindset is not about invalidating the real and profound experiences of marginalized groups, whose victimhood has often been systemically delegitimized, especially in contexts like Black victimhood in America.
When I discuss a victim mindset, I’m referring to a psychological pattern. It’s a deep-seated cognitive bias where an individual becomes stuck in the identity of being a victim. Research by Rahav Gabay and colleagues defines interpersonal victimhood as “an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim, generalized across many kinds of relationships.”
This pattern of thinking places oneself as the perpetual victim and others as the perpetrators. The victim mindset is characterized by:
- External Blame: Overemphasizing the impact of other people’s actions while underemphasizing one’s own role. For instance, someone with a victim mindset might believe, "If so-and-so would just fix their behavior, I’d finally be happy.”
- Powerlessness and Helplessness: Feeling powerless and blaming others for personal circumstances, rather than identifying ways to regain control or improve their situation.
- Focus on Grievances: Fixating almost entirely on how others make life difficult, rather than on personal actions that could lead to improvement.
- Discounting Personal Contribution and an External Locus of Control: A tendency to discount one's own contribution to outcomes. Individuals with a victim mindset tend to have an “external locus of control,” meaning they feel things happen to them and they have little ability to impact change. In contrast, a strong internal locus of control is when we feel we have the agency to make change happen.
- Other features of a victim mindset include a lack of empathy for the pain and suffering of others and a tendency for moral elitism (accusing others of being immoral while seeing oneself as supremely moral).
This mindset can be challenging to address in therapy because individuals often seek validation for their victimhood or want the therapist to fix the other people in their lives. Therapists may inadvertently reinforce the victim mindset or become entangled in a sense of helplessness unless they can recognize and understand these dynamics.
This mindset can also be seen in group dynamics, where in-group members see themselves as victims and out-group members as perpetrators. This is observed across various communities and appears to be increasingly taking root in the neurodivergent community, where narratives often paint a stark division between neurodivergent individuals and neurotypicals, who are cast as the perpetrators of harm.
Hopefully, I’ve helped make one thing clear – a victim mindset is not the same as naming and bringing awareness to oppressive systems. Instead, it’s a way perceiving the world. It’s a psychological pattern that erodes agency and personal growth, leading to interpersonal difficulties and a tendency to avoid accountability for one's actions.
For more insights into the social psychology of the victim mindset, I’d encourage you to read the full article by Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman in Scientific American: "Unraveling the Mindset of Victimhood".
Identity Pride
In contrast, identity pride is about celebrating culture, identity, community, and resilience. It is a positive affirmation of one's identity, especially in the face of systemic oppression. At the core of identity pride is agency. At the core of a victim mindset is helplessness. In fact, I think identity pride is one of the antidotes to a victim mentality. Identity pride focuses on:
- Celebration of Culture: Embracing and celebrating the unique aspects of one's identity and heritage.
- Community and Solidarity: Fostering a sense of belonging and mutual support within the community.
- Resilience and Strength: Highlighting the strength and resilience of the community.
Groups that celebrate identity pride are often those who experience stigma. As Erving Goffman described, stigma occurs when a person's identity is perceived as "spoiled." Identity pride is a way of reclaiming that identity—not as spoiled, but as something to be proud of. It's no wonder that reclaiming these so-called spoiled identities as positive ones is incredibly protective for the mental health of queer, neurodivergent, and BIPOC youth. It allows them to resist internalizing their identity as "spoiled." Identity pride is about embracing who we are, with all our complexities, and celebrating our unique contributions to the human story.
While a victim mindset traps individuals in a cycle of helplessness and dependency, identity pride empowers, fostering proactive engagement with the world. Victim mindset erodes agency, while embracing a positive identity cultivates agency.
So, in my week-long musings on “all these pride” emails and the concept of a victim mindset, my response would be: let’s embrace more identity pride. Let’s name the oppressive systems at work while focusing on agency and empowerment — elements that will help us be more resilient against falling into a victim mindset.
And now for an abrupt transition to this week's roundup. Here's what's new around Neurodivergent Insights...
★彡 Neurodivergent Insight Weekly Roundup ★彡
New On the Podcast
This week on Divergent Conversations, we talked with Jak Levine-Pritzker, who is in the in-between stage of discovery and assessment of her AuDHD experience. We dove into the nuanced topics of navigating identity while exploring the possibility of an autism diagnosis.
New On the Blog
This week's blog post reviews the barriers to adult ADHD and autism diagnoses as well as offers readers 9 "next steps" if they're at the beginning of considering themself to be Autistic or ADHD.
New Infographic
This infographic highlights just some of the barriers that adults experience when navigating diagnosis and assessment for autism and ADHD. I originally created it for a training session for mental health providers so they would better understand why a person may identify as ADHD or Autistic without having a formal diagnosis. It's incorporated into this week's blog and can also be found on social media.
NDI Resource Updates
I recently updated several of the DSM in pictures series, most recently we went through and updated the Autism and Borderline Personality Disorder graphics. You can check out the whole DSM in pictures series here.
📩 Pass It On
If you're finding value in these weekly resources, you can share this newsletter with friends and colleagues. You can just forward this email or send them here to sign up.
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Stay Kind. Stay Curious.
Dr. Neff
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